Musing
by Morncreek
Summary: We all have thoughts that reverberate within the confines of our minds. Sometimes, Komui writes them down if only to make them material. It's easier to complete a puzzle if you have pieces you can actually touch. ::Rated for complex themes only::
1. Time

Author's Note_: I re-watched a few weeks ago the episode where Lavi and Bookman are introduced to Allen. The moment Bookman walked up to Allen's bed and asked with a tone, "So you are the boy who will destroy time?", the muse bit me hard. This is the (hopefully non-AU) result. Originally intended as a one-shot, this "story" has definitely two more chapters, possibly more - because, really, I myself have more than a couple questions. Do you have questions as well? I would love to hear them, maybe even try to write out an answer. If you spot a grammatical, spelling, and/or logic error, please let me know._

Disclaimer: Original concept and characters of D.Gray-Man are by Katsura Hoshino. Concepts introduced in "Musing" are mine, inasmuch as one can own the muse whom thinks them up, as well as any original characters introduced in the possible future unless otherwise specified.

Summary: We all have thoughts that reverberate within the confines of our minds. Sometimes, Komui writes them down if only to make them material. It's easier to complete a puzzle if you have pieces you can actually touch.

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**Chapter One: Time**

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The boy destined to destroy time. No matter how I look at the phrase, turning it endlessly over in my mind, it still feels quite ominous. What does it mean? I suppose the answer lies within the definition of "time".

What is the definition of time? The measured progression of... what? Life, I guess. Isn't the demarcation of seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years truly a measurement of someone's or something's life? So... Allen will be destroying Death? I cannot believe that postulation. Life would hardly have meaning if there were no time, no dwindling resilience of the human body or a nation's immaterial spirit. Unless in this instance the "death" referred to is the death created by the Millennium Earl in the form of his Akuma. I am getting sidetracked, though.

Perhaps the definition of time is the cycles which human history experiences. A correspondence of mine, when we were discussing a major theological point in her religion, wrote of "the cycle of pride - humility and obedience that God rewards with blessings; prosperity derived from those blessings gradually builds into pride as Man begins to believe their strength provide the wealth; the pride progresses to the point which God rescinds His blessings (the conditions of receiving such benefits no longer being met), making vulnerable the people to war and death; war and death lead to humility and obedience. Thus, the cycle of pride is formed." I do not subscribe wholly to the religious aspect, but the secular version of war and death is documented and easily provable - no need to ask a Bookman for confirmation. So, will Allen be the one to end the Earl's cycle? The death, grief and the creation of Akuma, which kills and inflicts anguish to the point of another Akuma being born - the cycle of Akuma?

At this point, I can only do my best, with his friends' aid, to protect him and hope I discover the answer before our "Destroyer of Time" is murdered. And Allen Walker is fifteen years old, still a child.

... I feel like I am missing an important piece, but I am exhausted. I think I can slip in a nap during the four minutes it takes for River to bring the stack of the latest reports from the Science Department to my office. Maybe my subconscious will figure it out... What is another possible interpretation of the meaning of time...?

_And Komui descends into slumber._


	2. Desecration

Author's Note: _I will try to keep uploading a chapter per week, but I desperately want to maintain a one-chapter buffer. No reviews yet, but I am very grateful for the hits - it means that you were interested enough to click the link. :D Oh, and these drabbles are not in chronological order of events in the manga. I am trying to leave enough clues so that if you care about when these occur, you are able to figure it out. Thank you for reading!_

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**Chapter Two: Desecration**

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I have returned from a meeting with the Black Order's ruling body. I have been ordered to use the parasite-type Exorcist known as Allen Walker as bait to bring out the Millennium Earl. More often of late, I question whether my "superiors" are human (or ever were human, considering that they stole Lenalee from me). Even if he is what Hevlaska has foretold, Allen is still a boy, a fifteen-year-old. He should be better protected - he should be treated as a human, not a person relegated to lines written in a report. But Allen abides it so that he may save Akuma. He gladly accepts his curse of being "a soldier of fate". Nearly all Exorcists do, though perhaps not for the same reasons. I am a coward by not being able to say the same for myself. All I can do is protect them from the strong-armed, callous organization within the Vatican, give them what information the Finders and the Science Department piece together, confer missions that the individual Exorcists and their assigned Finders can handle. The Earl is pushing harder than ever; information is scarcer, and more of the Black Order die on missions they did not possess the necessary skill to successfully complete...

Many of those who have heard of Allen Walker seem to believe him their saviour. I wonder if Allen alone will be enough.

The only way I can see an end is the total destruction of the Earl. Not simply his death, but the entire system that monster has built. I cannot bring myself to hope that destroying the Earl will suffice. Such a fiend that would take the sacred sorrow of loss and twist it so sickeningly would not want that glorious web of ruin to end upon its death - but forever and forever... like a god. The aid of the Noah may play a part in this besides the convenience of their strength and like ideology.

Does this mean that the war will continue until every Akuma is removed from the mortal plane? That endeavor will require more than just Allen's strength, perhaps more than all the strength of the Black Order right now. We must find the Heart of Innocence! It is a key, if not the key, to understanding the purpose of the Earl. In the meanwhile, we set ourselves to capturing and analysing strategically important tools. I have another meeting shortly but afterwards I will join River and the rest of the staff in examining the Egg. If we can work out the process of building an Akuma's body, we may be able to counter it...

_And Komui leaves for a fateful meeting._


	3. Heart

Author's Note: _I'm late! Sorry. This chapter was hard for me to write but I got there in the end, though I had to leave out or only slightly work in a couple things that, really, I couldn't justify either Komui knowing (the principles as represented by Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which was first published in 1943) or fitting into the chapter content__. I am trying hard to keep this to Komui's words alone, but sometimes I need another person - an OC in this case - to bounce off of. One change I am making to this story overall is the spelling of some words. I do not think it has been specified where, exactly, the Black Order's HQ is located, so I am taking liberty by saying it is in the UK. This means that "behavior" will be spelled "behaviour", and so on. Also, I am borrowing a couple of _**_artbug_**_'s characterizations of Komui. Love ya, artbug!_

_I don't have the next chapter written, but I really wanted to get this one out for **Escalus**, who made me really happy._

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**Chapter Three: Heart**

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The Heart of Innocence. The piece that, without its power, all other pieces would cease to function or even exist. Why does the Heart exist? Why are all other pieces of Innocence dependent upon it? I posed the question to the lady I frequently exchange letters with. As I expected, her answer is metaphorical; and her answer shows how well she has come to know me. "Why? Man always asks why. I suspect you wanted a scientific, quantifiable answer. Remember, though, science alone will never encompass the meaning of all things. It can supply you the mix of metals and metallurgical process needed to create steel, but is nigh useless for explicating love at first sight."

In other words, it may not be a controlled action by the Heart itself, but another force that makes the Heart act so. Someone's thoughts and desires possibly could be directing the central Innocence fragment - or even that it might not be the Heart because of its inherent qualities, but inherited from the Compatible. The true Heart might be a person, not an Innocence piece!

It takes a few moments to wrap my thought processes around the possibility, but they slowly coalesce into a coherent, if shaky, whole. (A true scientist does not postulate an answer and then look for evidence to support it, however the concept intrigues me so I shall continue on.)

So, assuming that the Heart is a living thing and further assuming that it is a human, then I can begin to extrapolate the likely behaviours exhibited by the Heart. The human heart, which often governs the behaviours, is a complicated matter, though.

Myriad classic literature explore the metaphysical depths of the human heart. The best qualities – kindness, bravery, sacrifice… and the worst that Man can offer, such as avarice, cruelty, selfishness. The interplay of all these convolutes the distinction of one from another. Some philosophers proclaim that all Man's works are selfish. Perhaps they all are, but if one is going to examine it from that angle, then one must also conclude that not all selfishness is evil and aforementioned philosophers are extremely cynical because— well, that is a tangent for another time. I suppose the point I am trying to make is it is difficult to pinpoint the motivation of the individual. An individual's actions nearly always has a type of motivation behind it. (Lavi would interject here that de-motivation is simply motivation to not do something.)

But… I think all the types of motivation for action or inaction comes down to the two strongest and opposite emotions: love and hate. Hm, if the duality of the two facets of the heart is expressed literally, does it mean that the Heart exists in two parts? No, that is taking the idea too far.

Still, that dream of my dear little sister's and the dream of Allen's that they experience deeply perturb me. Shunting all rules and corollaries of scientific observation aside, I feel strongly that a connection is present.

I could cry in frustration. I— we need more information! And part of what information and knowledge we have accumulated is lost or destroyed. I need to recover all that I can – I will not allow the deaths of so many to be in vain!

_And Komui searches in the rubble for meaning._


	4. Machinations

Author's Notes:_ I'm sorry for the tardiness of the chapter. A relative was moving to a new home, and so her roommate (my sister) moved back in with me. This meant me rearranging and storing a lot of items. We also had to get Pumpkin situated, a calico cat we are temporarily caring for. Anyway, I have mixed feelings about this chapter. It's certainly the longest one yet, but I feel like I spent more time with General Cross Marian's role in matters than with the question of the Earl's goals. If anyone feels like it's not Komui's "voice", please let me know! It is a concern of mine. There are additional notes at the end, but they are not very important._

_Thank you to **Akky-chan** for the awesome review and for the story alert, and thank you to **Katria-Kage** whom I thanked for the story alert but unbelievably forgot to for adding the story to her/his favorites._

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**Chapter Four: Machinations**

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What is the reason or reasons to the Millennium Earl's actions? Reading the reports, one would gather that he is severely mentally unbalanced even disregarding the murders and corruption. Yet, as Polonius noted of Hamlet's speech, "Though this be madness, yet there is method in't."¹

It is the natural human in us that recoils in horror from such deeds and diagnoses the perpetrator as ill in mind. The comprehension that there exists even one soul that does not suffer from an affliction, but has purposeful, diabolical intent to commit the unforgivable, is anathema. Our minds cannot wrap themselves around the notion. Evil – true evil – is frightening. Though the basic human in us is willing to battle against evil, it shies away from classifying it as Evil. (In a way, this suggests that the basic human is optimistic; it hopes for the redemption of the evil-doer.)

For us, for those who defend against the Millennium Earl, we understand the true depravity of him and those whom aid and abet him. Understanding their depravity, however, does not assist the Order in discerning the Maker's real motivation and ultimate goal – it only tells us the depths of means they will sink to in order to… do whatever.

It cannot be to turn the world into a place entirely dominated by Akuma. Even if there is the possibility that Earth's whole population could be comprised of Akuma, the outlay would be prohibitive – simply not feasible. Besides, the Earl is cunning and ambitious. I doubt he would settle for such a simplistic aspiration. He takes pleasure in manipulating and magnifying the sorrows of others. The army of Akuma is a means to an end; but to what end?

Ugh, I need to ask the Head Nurse to restock on headache relievers.

I feel like we are always so many steps behind the Earl's machinations. The only way to keep the distance from lengthening is increasing the pace at which we are gathering Innocence and finding their Compatibles. At the same time, I worry that this is exactly what that evil… being desires.² Only one person is called to mind who may be able to accurately guess the Earl's intentions. I really must tie General Cross Marian to a bolted-down steel chair and demand answers from him. Sigh… though, the man is one of few I may trust in certain matters and it would not be wise to antagonise him. The fact that I am a subordinate of the Vatican makes communications difficult enough. (Ostensibly, Cross as an Exorcist is subordinate to the Vatican, but… in reality, that man is no one's inferior.)

The best theory we (the Science Department) have been able to furnish to the Vatican as of now is: the Millennium Earl seeks to remake the world into his ideal. The Pacific and North American Branches' Science Departments write to the Vatican that the Earl wishes for the destruction of the world. They may be correct, in the sense that the world would not exist as it is now – but I am fairly certain the sense they mean is _physical_, not political/economical/social, demolition. I and my colleagues disagree because the Earl, while vile, is still a man. It is not as if he would be able to live anywhere else.

So, if his goal is an ideal world, then yet another question must be asked: what is the Millennium Earl's ideal world?

The ones most likely to know are the Earl's closest associates, the Noah Clan. So many of what goals the Black Order knows of intertwine with the Maker of Akuma… Even if the Millennium Earl withholds all he may, surely the Noah have glimpsed a component of his grand scheme. It is unlikely any one of them will impart information. So I will go after the next best thing – rather, person.

Cross Marian.

He holds a connection to them. No one in the Order and Vatican know what is or the meaning of the connection; only a few even know a connection, a relationship (if it may be termed so), exists. The general prefers it that way, disappearing for months. (The debts he passes on to us, on the other hand…) He hasn't been to Headquarters in years. Tracking the Exorcist General will be impossible – but not for Allen! Who better than the target's own disciple? To be kind, I should assign Allen help for the arduous undertaking. Lavi has a sharp mind, and they will need someone who can run fast… Lenalee. (Nooooo, don't leave me, my sweet precious Lenalee!)

_And Komui sends for the three Exorcists (and a bottle of tylenol)._ ¹²

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¹ William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act 2 Scene 2 line 206 – common English adaptation is "There's a method in the madness" (also "method to the madness"), meaning that what appears to be crazy may in fact have an underlying logic to it.

² (credit to timcanpi .net for translation; onemanga .com for display) D.Gray-man manga, 29th Night page 06 - message delivered by an Akuma from the Millennium Earl (my paraphrasing): "... Finally, the play flows forward. ... the bell signaling the rise of the curtains. The actors are you b- - - - -ds, Exorcists!" Actors must obey the script, and the script is created by the playwright. The Earl is utilizing a metaphor to state that he is in control and the Exorcists, willing or not, will do what he wants of them.

¹² (credit to Wikipedia): the active ingredient of tylenol did exist in the end of the 19th century, but was not dominant (in North America) until 1955 when it was first marketed for children as Tylenol Elixir. Aspirin and its derivatives were much more common until then. I chose to mention tylenol for two reasons - one, the Order seems much more scientifically advanced than the outside world, so I assume it is credible to believe they would use acetaminophen-based pain relievers versus acetylsalicyclic acid-based; two, tylenol in most instances is safer than aspirin, or at least has fewer undesirable side effects and interactions.


	5. Origin

Author's Note: _I deeply apologize to my readers. Please read my bio for more information on why. ...As for this chapter, I wish to remind everyone that my chapters are not necessarily in chronological order. If this chapter confuses you, it slightly ties in to Chapter 4: Machinations. Feel free to PM, e-mail, or leave in a review any questions you may have. ...This chapter is shorter than I wanted it to be, and I think I just got tired at the end. I wonder if it still sounds like Komui. That character is difficult to write._

_Sincere thanks go to everyone who has added me to alerts or faves, who has reviewed, and/or even bothered to click on the story link. It is why I was determined to come back.  
_

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**Chapter Five: Origin**

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Where is the Earl from? I have pored over the many texts within the Order's library and reports from several departments. I still have not discovered the answer, which greatly disappoints me. I had hoped that by knowing "where", I might have established "who" he is and the relationship he has to the Innocence.

The Black Order of the Vatican has combated the Earl's forces for well over a century, yet he continues to live. It is very likely that he is of the Noah Clan, perhaps the first one, considering the other Noahs' deference underlying the… quirky idiosyncratic behaviour. Assuming this to be correct, it does not assist me in my personal venture. Very little is known of the Noah Clan even in the unwritten history maintained by the Bookmen organisation. They only recently appeared before us!

And this brings forth another question! What is the relationship between Innocence and himself? The other Noah so far seem to destroy simply for the sake of the destruction – a gruesome game. The Millennium Earl, though… The few reports of Exorcists who encountered our nemesis all, in one fashion or another, mention the dark presence permeating the atmosphere; and when seeing past the eyeglasses, what Exorcist Julie DeMoire described as "a frightening black fire that sears the soul" in the eyes… amongst her manic ramblings. (I have recalled General Cloud Nine to Headquarters in the hope she may be able to alleviate Julie's poor mental condition.) This "fire" must be a mark of deep abiding vitriol. For or from what?

I do not doubt that not all material referencing the Earl has been made available for my perusal. I am left to conjecture, which, as much as I enjoy when inventing new items, is much less desirable when searching for a means to victory. I wish I knew…

I fear that by even attempting to guess I will greatly err, becoming partial to a hypothesis to the point where I cannot or will not see information that would disabuse me of the notion. But I must do something! Am I to hope that, by forming theory after theory, I will luckily hit the center of the bulls-eye? That some truth will remain after each one has been discarded? We do not have the time to unearth fact from fiction by process of elimination! …All these decades of warring… Time is slipping traitorously through the Black Order's grasp at greater pace.

A heavy sigh. I just don't know; not that I ever did, but the truth of it has never been more strongly rubbed in my face.

Mayhap, considering the longevity of the Earl, he was a part of the Innocence once? It could be a love-hate relationship – a yearning to be whole, a loathing to lose newfound and hard-fought freedom.

Maybe it dates to the origins of Innocence and Dark Matter. Two sides vying for dominance of Earth. Perhaps he is, as every thing must have, an opposite. The response to or even the causer of the Heart. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.¹ It is not equal currently, though…

Another possibility – as far-fetched as the last, I must stress – is that the Millennium Earl was an Exorcist, the first one. It is conceivable that the great power warped him directly via its use. It may have been indirect as well. Humanity generally sees the impossible as a thing to fear, to shun and ostracize. The plausibility of this one theory in the whole is unlikely, but that previous sentence is genuine. I worry for my dear family, the Exorcists. Some of them are so very bitter at the treatment given them.

Is he the first Noah, as mentioned at the start of this entry? The Noah see themselves as the chosen arising from the dregs that are humans. Does it come down to power-mongering, a craving to slake their thirst for proving how exceptional they are? More disgustingly, is it simply due to their boredom with the status quo as it relates to "inferior" humans? This is a sinful world, Noah have bemoaned. Perchance they slay two birds with one stone– three "birds", rather. They accumulate power; they "cleanse" the world; and they mock it all by sinning themselves to destroy this world of sinners, laughing at the symmetry as Earth burns to ashes…

Innocence has the power to change the very nature and laws governing the physical world around it. Is the Earl looking to change the world? But into what?

Questions and ever more questions, and so very few are the precious answers.

News has reached me of Lenalee's and Allen's injuries. I hope that the Bookman can reverse the effects on my sweet little sister's nervous system. As much as it hurts to admit it, I am going to use her and her wounds as an opportunity to press the Bookman for his society's information in regards to the Noah and anything else I can pry from them. I should be going there just as a brother who loves his sister and a kind young boy…

_And Komui departs with hope lifting and despair weighing his steps._

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¹ A simplification of Sir Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion, published in Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica in 1687. (credit: Wikipedia)


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